You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2008.

Achoo!  Wow, there’s a lot of dust in here, huh?  

I haven’t written a new post (aside from a few guilt-induced Thank Gus’) in a long, long while.  I wish I had a really valid excuse but the the truth of the matter is that lately I’ve been a version of myself that I don’t like very much.  Rather than appreciate all of the good that I know I am very fortunate to have in my life I’ve been choosing to seek out the negative, emphasize every minute thing that irritates me and generally wallow in an overall sense of “woe is me”.  And not in a cute Eeyore way either.  But that ends at midnight.  New month, new outlook.
 
I feel like I have so much to update.  I’m checking things off of my 108 in 2008 list!  After a year and a half of looking we finally bought a couch!  I had a scary run-in with a well-meaning makeup salesperson!  There is an awkward J encounter to discuss!  We’re taking an awesome trip to Milwaukee in June (yes, I used awesome and Milwaukee in the same sentence – I love cities like Milwaukee, Detroit and Pittsburgh)!  Unfortunately all I can think about right now is the fact that I’m going to be on TV tomorrow. 
 
That’s right, TV.  One of the local news stations is coming to do a feature on my new company.  I’m not really nervous, just unsure of what to wear.  I doubt I’ll even make it on camera, but it’s still fun and exciting.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

I actually took these pictures last Friday only to have several inches of snow dumped on us on Monday.  Fortunately it melted pretty quickly and we can see grass again.  Is it bad that I am tempted to hit the last remaining snow piles in our yard with a hair dryer so they go away already?

Gus has thoroughly enjoyed sunning himself on the deck

Inspecting the birds, squirrels and rabbits that have reappeared

and killing me with his desperate good looks

 

Unfortunately spring also means cleaning up all of the messes Gus left in the far reaches of the yard this winter.  Definitely NOT a fun job.

What are Ben, Smalls, Kaya, Rufus, Ted and Zapp finding in their yards?  Go find out!

Last week was rough. 

I can’t quite put my finger on the culprit, but the week culminated with me weeping my way through church and struggling to keep it together during what should have been a fun and happy family function.

It might have been lack of sleep.  Every night last week I’d crawl into bed for “just a minute” to talk to TTO when he hit his much earlier bedtime (due to the insane schedule that he is STILL working) only to wake up hours later with gritty, unbrushed teeth, eyes that were dry and scratchy because I’d fallen asleep with my contacts in and yet another crop of junior high-style zits because I’d neglected to wash my face.  Blearily I’d fumble through my truncated night-time routine only to crawl back into bed and hear the alarm buzz.  Needless to say, my house was a wreck, laundry piled up and I didn’t work out at all.

Maybe it was personal stress.  I invited a college friend and her boyfriend over for dinner on Saturday night.  This is one of the friends that will require a lot of bridge-rebuilding and while I’m more than willing to do it, I was reasonably nervous about everything from the appearance of our house to buying the correct salad dressing.  I spent ALL DAY Saturday cleaning and prepping food.  I did not stop moving until we sat down to eat.  Everything went better than I could have anticipated – she even sent a sweet thank you note.  That didn’t ward off the insomnia that I experienced later that night.  Neither did the wine.  Every time I tried to close my eyes they would snap back open due to my racing mind.

What was racing through my mind?  I felt like I’d made a big mistake. 

For some reason last week I let what co-workers were telling me about my bosses get to me.  I listened to their horror stories and started to panic.  My previous boss was the kindest, most integrity-filled person I have ever encountered in my professional life.  All I could think was, “I need to go back.”  So at 2:30 in the morning I sent a desperate email to a former co-worker asking if she thought they would be willing to bring me back.  To a job that I left because I knew it offered no future.

It took until Sunday night for me to realize (with TTO’s and my dad’s help) that I’d been here before.  Several years ago I worked in retail management and was reassigned to a new store.  “Where are you headed,” they would ask.  “IVH,” I’d answer.  “Oooh, you’d better watch out for C.  She’ll eat you alive.”  On my first day I met C.  She’d been with the company for decades and had seen her fair share of young managers come and go.  I realized that she was a wealth of knowledge.  She was willing to teach me.  No one had ever asked for her input before, they just came in and started bossing her around.  C was a guest at my wedding. 

At my last job I was warned early on about one of our outside contacts.  She was overly demanding, they said, a first class b-word.  It was obvious from our first phone conversation that she just needed to know that we were on her side.  I did everything I could to make her life easier and her appreciation was evident.  My former colleagues still refer to me as the “analyst-whisperer”.  She acted as a work reference for me when I applied for the new job.

I KNOW I can handle difficult people.  Why was I doubting myself?

I went to work on Monday feeling very tentative.  Thanks to a much better night’s sleep than I’d been getting I did feel prepared.  It was a good day.  I emailed that former co-worker, apologized for the attack of the crazy and asked her to please disregard everything I’d said.  I came home and got a bunch of neglected tasks accomplished.  Then yesterday, towards the end of the day, the bosses called me into an office.  Unexpected meetings like that always make me paranoid. 

Did they know about my doubts?  My overly-emotional weekend?  How?

“We think you’re doing a great job.”  “We couldn’t be more pleased.”  “We’d like you to have the vacant office.” 
(Please note – I’m not trying to brag, just retelling the facts.)

 Right.  After just two months, I’ll get to move into my own office on Monday.  Honestly, I think it will do a lot to ease some of the inter-office tension I’ve been feeling recently.  At the very least it will give me an opportunity to check Google Reader without worrying about getting caught.

Things are rosier.  Prayers were definitely answered.  And I am VERY thankful for that.  And for people that see my crazy and love me anyway.