Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Wait.  What?  How in our HOURS of talking did he fail to mention a girlfriend?  And why did I care? 

Prior to the second basketball game with Mater I’d invited him and TTO to come back to the apartment at the end of the month and I’d make them dinner.  I did it mainly because I really wanted to see TTO again and I knew he’d be in town for our high school’s annual alumni basketball tournament.  From the second Mater said the word girlfriend I regretted the invitation.  What the hell was I thinking?  Not only that but J would be coming back from Chicago soon.  I vaguely remembered that I had agreed to be open to talking about a reconciliation.    

TTO went back to South Dakota and we started talking on the phone.  The calls became longer and more frequent.  I finally got the nerve to ask about his girlfriend.  Much to my (surprising) relief he said she was his EX-girlfriend.  Apparently they’d broken up just a few weeks previous and had been in a state of flux much like I was experiencing with J.  However, things were completely over now.  

Mater backed out of the dinner.  I was happy that TTO planned on coming to St. Paul alone.  I should probably remember what I cooked for him, but I don’t.  Later that night we were watching a movie and he kissed me.  I don’t remember this, but TTO says I jumped up from the couch and said, “Uh, I’m pretty tired, maybe you should go.”  I’m guessing that wasn’t exactly the reaction he was hoping for. Fortunately I was able to make up for my abrupt ending to our first kiss the next night. I had agreed to meet up with Mater and TTO in Hometown to celebrate their basketball victory. After a few drinks and some casual hand-holding TTO and I ended the night by making out in the parking lot of my old church.

Meanwhile, J had returned and our interactions were very…uncomfortable. The conversation that J and I had on New Year’s Eve was really intense.  J’s interpretation was that we were getting back together and we’d be engaged soon after.  He felt that it was time for us to just settle down.  What I’d meant was that we’d give it a chance but that we needed to ease into it.  Obviously we were not only on different pages but I was over browsing in non-fiction while he was speed reading a novel.      

My TTO phone calls went from every few days to every day to several times a day. I also saw J fairly often. I still had no idea what I was doing. On TV they make it look like dating more than one person at a time is so glamorous and fun.  While it was an ego boost at times, it was mostly confusing, stressful and a bit depressing.  I knew that no matter how things panned out someone was going to be hurt.  Very possibly me. 

It took a family crisis for me to finally admit my true feelings.