-R- from And You Know What Else

Thank you to David and Audrey for their submissions.

Now for the explanations.

1. I left my husband alone in our hotel room on our wedding night and drove home to my mom and dad’s.
Kudos to Audrey for saying this was just too off the wall to not be true. This story actually starts about eight months before the wedding. In yet another display of my complete grace I injured myself while trying to do situps. I misjudged the distance between my head and my dresser and smacked the back of my head so hard that I saw stars. Other than a minor headache I felt fine. Until two days later.

I was driving with my sister and all of a sudden my neck seized up. I couldn’t turn my head and I was in unbelievable pain. Alice took me straight to the ER. I was diagnosed with severe muscle spasms and given muscle relaxants. They helped and I thought I was on the road to recovery – until a few months later when it happened again. I went back to the doctor and was given more drugs. This cycle continued right up to the week of the wedding. I was so worried that I would be in too much pain to enjoy the day.

Fortunately the morning of I felt fabulous. No pain, no stiffness. I was so happy. That night a full day of being hot, wearing an extremely heavy dress, stretching my neck up so I could kiss TTO and lots of dancing my body gave out. I was laying in our hotel bed when my neck, chest, shoulders and upper arms all started to spasm. Smart me, I felt so good that morning that I left my pills at my mom and dad’s. I tried taking a hot bath. Which helped until I had to get out.

Finally around 4:30am I just couldn’t take it anymore. Thankfully, TTO had slept through all of this. I didn’t want to disturb him too much (looking back, I’m not sure why I didn’t ask for his help?) so I just nudged him, told him I was going to drive back to Hometown and someone would come to pick him up.

Driving myself was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. Again, why didn’t I ask TTO to take me? I couldn’t turn my head. It’s awfully hard to drive when you can’t do that. I made it to my parent’s and my mom was actually up. I think I scared the heck out of them. My mom thought we’d had a fight, my dad thought we’d been in an accident, I just needed some relief.

TTO had to open all of our gifts at the opening because I couldn’t lift anything. I was miserable. In the pictures I look awful. The week after the wedding I saw a new doctor. She recommended trigger point injections – eight needle sticks in my NECK. I then went through a few months of physical therapy. I haven’t had a flare up in well over a year. I guess it’s a good one to tell the grandkids.

2. I can tie a cherry stem into knots with my tongue.
I don’t know where I learned to do this, but I am surprisingly good at it. I can even get the little one inch stems. Longer stems I can tie into multiple knots. TTO is very proud.

3. My freshman year roommate almost got me kicked out of our dorm.
I actually had two roommates freshman year. My first roommate spent exactly one night in our room in the six weeks she was enrolled. I was so excited to bond and get to know her and then she left and spent every night at her aunt and uncle’s. I think she was homesick. She ended up dropping out. She was a little weird too. She brought a knife block complete with steak knives. Why on earth would you need one of those in a dorm room? Maybe I’m glad she didn’t stick around.

I had the room to myself for well over a month until they moved K in. Now K was very nice. For the most part we got along and even had some fun once in a while. But K did not like my friends. K was very anti-social and judgemental. She did not go out at all and she resented the fact that I did. I asked her every time if she wanted to come with and she always said no.

Then she started tattling on me to the RA. Things like I borrowed her whatever and didn’t give it back or I was on the phone when she wanted to use it. The RA did not care one bit about what I did as long as I wasn’t breaking any real rules. We moved all of our room parties over to the guy’s dorm because we were sure she would tell on us and get us in trouble. One time, when I was leaving for a dance, she told me I needed to be home by midnight. And she was serious.

Here’s the main thing. Before K moved in I slept on the bottom bunk. I was gone when she moved her stuff in and she switched all of my things to the top. Fine, I completely understand. K was overweight and sleeping on the top would have been difficult, but whenever I would come home late – normally only on the weekends – she would YELL at me for moving around. Apparently ME trying to get comfortable made way too much noice for HER. I finally started sleeping on the floor or in a friend’s room when I would come home just to avoid it.

I think she would have liked to have gotten me kicked out, but she wasn’t able to actually do it.

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