In high school one of my former friends told us that she was watching Montel or Maury and that they said “If you don’t have a slutty friend, then YOU are the slutty friend”.  She obviously didn’t get it because she went on to talk about how none of her friends were slutty.  Um, honey, the saying was spot on.  Hence – former friend.

I thought of this little anecdote while watching Desperate Housewives on Sunday.  Bree went on about the role she plays in their group.  She always organizes their get togethers and she always brings dessert.  I’ve been in a funk for a while in regards to my role in my own group of friends.  This all came to a head last night.  

One of my close friends has a birthday today.  For the past several years I’ve been the one to remember birthdays and make phone calls to set up dinner or drinks.  Every time.  My only exception is my own birthday.  Which is why we celebrated in late April when my birthday is in early February. 

This time I decided I was going to wait it out.  I wanted to see if anyone else would step up and make arrangements.  By 10 last night I hadn’t heard a peep.  Because I don’t want the birthday girl to feel forgotten I made the calls as soon as I got to work this morning, but I’m angry about it.  

It isn’t just with birthdays.  I feel like I’m always the one to initiate any interaction.  It’s beginning to feel like we get together out of a sense of duty rather than a true desire to spend time with each other.  It’s awkward.  Our conversations always tend to revolve around rehashing our past instead of moving forward.

This doesn’t negate anything I said here.  I’m just frustrated and lonely.  I don’t want to leave these friendships behind, but I feel like I need to find that friend.  The one that just gets it.  Someone who shares common interests and not just a past.  TTO is great, but he’s not interested in girl stuff, nor do I want him to be. 

Unfortunately it feels as though my options right now are a little slim.  I work in an office with 6 other people, all of whom are much older than me.  We’re in the process of finding a new church and I’m not sure what our involvements will be once we find one.  We live in a very quiet neighborhood and with winter approaching the chances of catching anyone outside will be pretty much non-existent.

Tell me – how and where do you find new friends as an adult?  Why isn’t there a match.com for friendships?

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